Conscious
...written on 2006-12-05, @ 11:37 a.m.
They say to be overly conscious is a sickness...
That, I do not doubt.
To know that I must pay the consequences for my actions, no matter what the underlying circumstances, absolutely kills me. I cannot whine, complain, or make excuses because it is solely..
my fault.
I know exactly how much I must pay per pay check,
And knowning I can hardly get by on $10 gas every 2 weeks is too overwhelming.
I know everyone suffers, so my problems mean nothing. I am conscious of it. And, as I am burdened by my "gift" of consciousness, I am truly sinking like a stone in the sea. Swept into the undertow of the oceans of helplessness...
pray tell, how can you reach in and scoop me back out? Your vision is distorted, you cannot be sure you're saving me. Alas, I am condemned to the quiet corrals of inner consciousness...
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