Whats More Is...
...written on 2006-10-27, @ 12:02 p.m.
I didn't ask for this
I was trying to be the realist here
But to no avail
I have failed, yet again
I have cried
I have gone against my very standards
Holding on to something that was already gone
Determined...
So fucking determined.
She says there's something I need to understand
About boys
"they are assholes" she says.
No... not this one
I couldn't say it
I cannot think it
Still, he is no longer mine
Damn this always being right shit
Another month
Another disappointment
That I tried to avoid
I'm so hurt
Physically.. emotionally...
In pain.
I hate this melodramatic shit of mine
I hate this
That I even care
I hate that I care, is that so wrong?
My anger consumes my rationality...
Then I bite my tongue
I want to hurt, so much more..
To submit to my self-destructive tendencies
But I am like no other
I am strong, now.
I have grown.
I didnt want to know.
I always say that everything happens for a reason
That he could turn my words against me
That he could blame me for his lack of self-control
That he could abandon me...
Why can't everything be okay?
He says dont cry
He says everything is okay
Its not the end of the world
No shit!
But I am so hurt...
So terribly hurt...
I am lost, as well
I have broken my defenses
I have nothing left...
I am
ruined
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